Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
