I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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