Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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