cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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