he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
