Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
