Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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