I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
