yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i love accidental penises.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
