Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
