I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
