also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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