He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
