we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
