Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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