Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
