He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
