The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
