Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
