I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize