her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
