Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
