I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
