i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
