how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
