you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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