Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
