i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
