New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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