Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
