so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
MIDGETS
????
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
