he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
