Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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