im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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