I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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