you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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