dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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