Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
