If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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