if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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