Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???