Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

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  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5582) Bad night (885)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

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  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
  Replies (104) Good night (8490) Bad night (1169)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

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  (419): Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie? http://tfl.nu/tj9i
  Replies (83) Good night (6186) Bad night (2048)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.

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  (608): Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker. http://tfl.nu/j5xk
  Replies (16) Good night (3785) Bad night (871)
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  (845): View more from New York

  The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.

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  (845): The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor. http://tfl.nu/klg7
  Replies (5) Good night (3839) Bad night (1361)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.

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  (409): We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men. http://tfl.nu/lrdt
  Replies (22) Good night (1778) Bad night (3496)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

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  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10796) Bad night (1016)
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  (607): View more from New York

  He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges

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  (607): He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges http://tfl.nu/3nw2
  Replies (24) Good night (1315) Bad night (6411)
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  (562): View more from California

  at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.

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  (562): at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all. http://tfl.nu/8vyn
  Replies (6) Good night (827) Bad night (2760)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.

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  (917): But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting. http://tfl.nu/vtlx
  Replies (6) Good night (1932) Bad night (558)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.

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  (218): Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple. http://tfl.nu/aihu
  Replies (4) Good night (2198) Bad night (609)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...

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  (479): The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl... http://tfl.nu/uc2c
  Replies (6) Good night (1895) Bad night (944)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.

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  (480): She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress. http://tfl.nu/19rj
  Replies (4) Good night (550) Bad night (1258)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?

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  (506): Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs? http://tfl.nu/qbtb
  Replies (9) Good night (828) Bad night (292)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey

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  (787): I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey http://tfl.nu/3kl5
  Replies (5) Good night (424) Bad night (489)

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