Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America