I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
