i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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