Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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  (847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0
  Replies (46) Good night (1904) Bad night (5783)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.

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  (843): there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done. http://tfl.nu/q1zr
  Replies (56) Good night (6522) Bad night (1279)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting

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  (405): Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting http://tfl.nu/elrq
  Replies (9) Good night (3516) Bad night (918)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

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  (720): At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course http://tfl.nu/67cn
  Replies (25) Good night (5166) Bad night (1104)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".

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  (239): While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth". http://tfl.nu/xyop
  Replies (6) Good night (5162) Bad night (1018)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles

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  (301): He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles http://tfl.nu/qmb2
  Replies (8) Good night (1449) Bad night (2502)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents

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  (206): he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents http://tfl.nu/f104
  Replies (48) Good night (1234) Bad night (3311)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets

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  (+44): drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets http://tfl.nu/vhzs
  Replies (4) Good night (2265) Bad night (614)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.

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  (616): If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there. http://tfl.nu/w9jg
  Replies (6) Good night (1566) Bad night (691)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life

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  (214): Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life http://tfl.nu/rhcn
  Replies (3) Good night (591) Bad night (1557)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.

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  (651): I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/6otb
  Replies (4) Good night (1035) Bad night (554)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.

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  (850): Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list. http://tfl.nu/5auq
  Replies (6) Good night (1426) Bad night (560)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.

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  (734): Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke. http://tfl.nu/ywvx
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (720)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.

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  (270): I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes. http://tfl.nu/yqer
  Replies (0) Good night (256) Bad night (291)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.

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  (678): No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That. http://tfl.nu/w73y
  Replies (0) Good night (229) Bad night (426)

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