I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
