i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
