i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
