College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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