The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
