I'm really into asian looking animals
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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