Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
