well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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