I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
