Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
