you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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