It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
