If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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