just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
