After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
