i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.