New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.