you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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