who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.