NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The uberlube is also flammable
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need water and some morals