A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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