I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
