allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
