i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
