thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
