he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
