he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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