I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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