she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
