i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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