when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
