Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
